Ask the Mediatrician

My daughter got scared by a movie, what should I do?

Q: Last week, my 2-year-old daughter watched the Disney movie The Jungle Book. She hasn’t stopped talking about how scary the characters were and how she’s having bad dreams about them, but she keeps asking the watch the movie. We decided to put the movie away until she’s a little older. Did we make the right decision? How can we address this subject with her as we move forward?
Frightened Family in Phoenix, AZ

A: Dear Frightened Family,

You did something that is a hallmark of media-aware parenting: You watched your daughter’s response, listened to her, and responded to the situation. So, yes, putting away the movie until she’s a bit older was the right decision based on how she was reacting to it. You also learned something about what sorts of things upset or scare her, which is great information to have for future media experiences.

You are probably most curious about why she would keep asking to watch the movie if it scared her so much. The reason is that when young children see something that makes them feel insecure, they will try to master their fear by watching it again and again. We adults often experience this quest for mastery, too, such as when we seek out the thrill of horror movies.

Keep tabs on what scares your daughter first by paying attention to her reactions, as you did. Also know that there are certain themes—like abandonment—that are especially scary for children in her age group. In The Jungle Book and in many other Disney movies (think Finding Nemo, Bambi, and The Lion King), this theme is central. For that reason, take a close look at the storyline of any given movie—even (and maybe even especially) an animated one—before deciding whether it is appropriate for your kids. Common Sense Media is a great resource for getting information about plots and comments from other parents.

So how do you decide when your daughter is ready for The Jungle Book again?  Slowly expose her to information about the kinds of things that scared her, and gauge her reaction. For example, if the animals scared her, show her photos of tigers and other jungle animals, and explain how they take care of their cubs. Once she knows more about real-life tigers, she may be ready to see The Jungle Book as a way to learn about jungle animals. That shift can make it a positive educational experience rather than a frightening one.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

How can I keep my teens safe on the Internet?

Q:  My teenage children seem to spend all their free time on the Internet, using Facebook, IMing their friends, and watching YouTube videos. How can I make sure that what they are doing is safe?
Worried on the Web in Lincoln, Nebraska

A: Dear Worried on the Web,

Although "www" stands for "World Wide Web," I think of the Internet as the "Wild Wild West": There are a lot of exciting things to see and explore, but there are some dangerous areas, and few laws protect you or your children from them.

My suggestion is first to take some time to learn to use the Internet yourself. If you understand how to use it and what is available there, you can more effectively guide your children’s discoveries. For example, get yourself a Facebook account and have your kids be your teachers (you can also “friend” them, but don’t demand that they accept—it will only make them mad). They will probably even enjoy this process because, in asking for their help, you are acknowledging their expertise in an area where you are uncertain. It also acknowledges that your teens are individuals and are different from you, which is very important at this developmental stage.

Secondly, keep computers in common areas of the house. When in public spaces, teens will be less likely to use the Internet inappropriately, and you can keep an eye on the kinds of things they are experiencing. Finally, when you hear a news story about an amazing new Internet tool or a person who had a dangerous Internet incident, talk with your teens about it. That way, they can learn about the potential the Internet holds for both positive and negative experiences.  

Staying safe in “Wild West” of the 21^st century can be tricky, but exploring that space along with your teens can help keep the lines of communication open and help you take advantage of what the Internet has to offer.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Should I give my 11 year old the cell phone she wants?

Q: My 11-year-old daughter keeps begging me for her own cell phone. She claims "all her friends have them", and I admit, it seems most of them do. Should I get her one?
Uncertainly Cellular in Spokane, WA

A: Dear Uncertainly Cellular,

Did you give her the age-old parenting response, “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?” Alas, it rarely works…

First, remember that cell phones are tools. Sit down with your daughter and ask what she’d like to use it for. Tell her how you would like to see her use it, and what is off limits—like texting while crossing the street or sending sexual images to friends. Having this conversation will allow you to set expectations from your side and from hers. It can also help you determine whether it is, in fact, time for your daughter to have a cell phone.

If after this conversation you do not feel that your daughter is ready for this responsibility, it is okay to say no. Clever marketing has convinced parents that every kid needs a cell phone for safety’s sake, but the fact of the matter is that there are many other ways to call for help. And if safety is your main concern, it is far more important to teach your daughter to be confident in an emergency than to provide her with a phone. This confidence will serve her well even if she doesn’t have a phone, or if it is lost or unavailable. 

If you do decide to get your daughter a cell phone, emphasize that having one is a privilege and a responsibility, and that if she misuses the phone, she will lose both.
>>See the upsides and downsides to cell phones

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

How much TV is too much TV?

Q: The television is a constant source of conflict in our house. I am always battling with my 2nd and 5th grade kids about how much TV they watch, but I’m not even sure what a good limit would be. How much TV is too much TV?
TV Tired in Sacramento, CA

A: Dear TV Tired,

Discussing (which is a gentler word for what can go on sometimes!) television usage with kids is often one of the biggest tests of a parent’s patience. Because TV is a constant attraction for kids, and because it gives parents a break from having to provide their full attention, it’s not uncommon for parents to just give up and let kids watch as much as they want.  But you’re right—to keep kids healthy, limits are a good idea.

I like to think about TV and other electronic media the way I think about dessert: Once the healthy stuff is finished, you can indulge a little bit. In other words, think about the variety of activities kids need to engage in to stay healthy. They need to do their homework, and they need to play with friends. They need to eat balanced meals and have meals with their families. They need to be physically active, and they need to sleep. Honestly, once all of those tasks are accomplished during a school day, it’s hard to make time for much TV!  

In general, though, here are my suggestions when it comes to TV:

1. Pay attention to HOW MUCH they watch. Establish time limits for how much TV or screen time your kids can have during weekdays and on weekends. For example, once they know that they only have one hour to watch, they’ll choose programs they are really interested in and stop channel surfing because they’re bored.  

2. Pay attention to WHAT they watch. All media are educational, so ask yourself what your kids’ favorite shows are teaching them. For example, animal documentaries can be great, but cartoons may not always teach behaviors you want them to learn.  Violence and sexual behavior are kinds of content you might want to keep an eye on.

3. Pay attention to HOW they watch. Do they watch TV alone in their bedrooms, where you can’t discuss with them what they’re seeing? Do they eat snacks mindlessly while they watch? Think about the ways in which they watch TV and how you can encourage healthier habits if necessary.
   

The links above can give you more specific ideas for how to implement these suggestions in your own home. Making TV an active, engaging, and limited activity can not only free up time for other things but also encourage you and your kids to use it in the most enjoyable ways possible.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

How can we set good examples of media use for our kids?

Q:  My child is still an infant, so he isn’t using much media yet. But I am realizing that my husband and I are constantly “connected”! Our laptops, cell phones, and iPods are always on, mostly for work reasons. How should we limit our own media use to set the best example for our children?
Connected and Concerned in Boston, MA

A: Dear Connected and Concerned,  

When I hear about a family being connected, my first thought is that they mean to each other, but these days it seems that you’re not alone—most people mean connected to devices.  

As you’re probably discovering by watching your infant, children are great imitators. Your instincts here are right—they will learn how to use media—and how much—from watching you. I commend you for taking a second look at your own habits! I recommend taking these three steps to model good media habits:

1. Limit the amount of time you spend using media. Instead of channel surfing or web surfing, use media for a specific reason, and shut it off when you’re done.

2. Use good judgment when choosing media you’ll use in their presence.  Choose shows, music, videos, and websites that you think are okay for them to see or hear. Remember that children learn more from adult content than you think they do, even if they don’t quite understand it.
3. Model alternative activities, such as reading, playing sports, or participating in community activities. That lets them know that there are many options for occupying free time.

Although many parents are working longer and harder in these tough economic times, if you have few hours between coming home from work and your kids’ bedtime, I’d suggest that you all take a break from media and other distractions to focus on each other. I’m sure you could use that break, too!
>>See other tips about being a media role model

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Should I worry about the violent video games my son plays?

Q: My 10 year old son loves to play video games. The other day I happened to see a few minutes of one of the games he was playing and it was much more violent than I thought it would be.  Should I worry about how these games affect him?
Quite Surprised in Bar Harbor, ME

A: Dear Quite Surprised,

You shouldn't worry about it, you should do something about it!  Research studies show that people who are exposed to media violence (including video games) can have increased violent thoughts and behaviors and can become desensitized to violence.

I think the easiest way to think about it is that video games are an effective teaching tool.  The player practices the skill of the game over and over again.  So if the video game is a flight simulator, the player learns how to fly and land a plane.  Since your son is playing violent games, he is learning violence, rehearsing violent actions over and over again. 

My suggestion is to sit down and play the game with him.  Ask him about the violence you see -- does he really want to spend his time "killing" people?  Try to get him to identify what it is he really likes about the game.Then together you can try to replace his violent games with those that teach skills you would want him to learn.  For example, if he likes the competition of the game, perhaps you could find a sports game that would teach him the strategies behind football.  You could also introduce him to games like Caduceus from Generation Cures and others that introduce kids to solving real-world problems.

I hope these strategies let you find some common ground and some games that you both find fun!

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Will baby videos help an infant learn?

Q:  I just became an aunt for the first time and while looking for baby gifts, I keep coming across educational DVDs for infants. Will these help my nephew get a head start on learning? 
Amateur Aunt in Boston, MA

A: Dear Amateur Aunt,

Congratulations!  Being an Aunt gives you the unique opportunity to have significant influence in a child's life, without causing you massive sleep deprivation.  I get this question a lot because parents always want to offer learning opportunities for their children.  Though these videos are often marketed as educational, research has so far shown us that they are not helpful to learning. 

Because baby videos are a relatively new product, there is not a lot of research on how they effect children in the long-term. While one study showed that kids who watched baby videos had slower language development than those who did not, a recent study we did here at the Center on Media and Child Health found that in infancy, television does no harm, but has no benefit either.

My recommendation is that parents not use screen media with their children before the age of 2.  In infancy, children's time is much better spent engaging in activities that help them interact with people and their environment such as playing with blocks, popping bubbles, and being read to.  

Amateur Aunt – the best gift you can give your nephew is your time and attention.  However, if you’d like to bring a physical gift that encourages learning, look for a set of blocks or stacking cups, or even your favorite childhood book that you can read to him yourself!

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Meet the Mediatrician!

I am Dr. Michael Rich, the Director of the Center on Media and Child Health at Children's Hospital Boston, Harvard Medical School and Harvard School of Public Health. But more importantly, I am a parent, just like many of you. As a former Hollywood filmmaker, I am a lover of media.  But as a pediatrician, I see that media have both positive and negative effects on children's health. 

I'm here as The Mediatrician® to answer your questions about media and health.  It is my goal to provide you with science-based answers and practical solutions that can help the children in your life use media in ways that can enrich their development. What's YOUR question about media? Go ahead and ask! Do you want to add a link to Ask the Mediatrician® to your doctor's office, school, or organization website? Click here for instructions!