Ask the Mediatrician

Does my family understand the sarcasm of "Family Guy"?

Q: My boys, ages 15, 12 and 10, love watching Family Guy. They record it and watch it daily. My husband and I think the program is outrageous and funny because we believe the writers are sarcastic. I worry that my boys don't understand the sarcasm and are learning the wrong messages about appropriate social behavior and stereotypes. They mimic Family Guy jokes that are demeaning to a variety of minority groups when they talk with their friends. They won't listen if I try to talk about it -- I come off sounding like a kill-joy. At what age can kids understand sarcasm? Could this program be impacting their beliefs?
-Am I Lois? in Winnetka, IL

A: Dear Am I Lois?,

I am impressed that as the mom of three sons, you have the courage to share with them a show in which the brilliant but angry baby, Stewie, is focused on killing his mother. ;-) Seriously, though, you have picked up on a subtle, but important issue: While sarcasm is a low, often mean-spirited form of wit, it requires complex coordination of brain processes to be fully understood. These areas of the brain are not yet fully developed in boys your sons’ ages.

When one person makes a sarcastic comment to another person, there other signals (aside from the actual words they say) such as pausing, changing tone, or making facial expressions, that indicate the intended irony. TV shows such as Family Guy (which is built on sarcasm), assume that the audience fully understands their meaning, so they often skimp on displaying those signals. This is one of the reasons it is so outrageous and funny to adults, but may go over kids’ heads.

When you combine your sons’ partial ability to detect and use sarcasm, their limited experience with the realities of sexism, racism, homophobia and other forms of discrimination, and the natural tendency of teens to be focused primarily on themselves, you could have the volatile mix you seem worried about them displaying with their friends.  Interestingly though, one scientist believes that positive discussions of sarcasm in the classroom can help kids understand the nature and origins of teasing and how, if handled wrong, it might develop into bullying. Research has also shown that young people can develop a healthy sense of irony and learn to use sarcasm appropriately by having family conversations that model these qualities in both positive and negative situations.

Perhaps the best solution to your situation is to discuss Family Guy episodes with your sons after viewing them.  You can model sarcasm and irony in humorous and non-hurtful ways, and help your sons understand that not everyone will understand sarcasm and that they should never use it in ways that could hurt other individuals or groups. In this way, you can make this show a shared family experience that can help your kids grow into healthy, happy and ironic adults.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician©

Are preschoolers affected by watching professional wrestling?

Q: I am a Pre-K Special Educator who works one-on-one with developmentally delayed children ages 3-5. Some boys have hit, kicked, scratched, punched, and head-butted me and their classmates. I brought in a child psychologist to observe and speak to the parents of one of the boys and he told the parents that this is “learned behavior.” The parents have allowed these boys total freedom, and fathers watch professional wrestling with them. Do you know of any literature on viewing wrestling and its effect on preschool boys?
–Wrestling to Make a Difference
 
A: Dear Wrestling,

You are right to be concerned about your students’ violent behavior. Although aggressive play is a natural part of childhood, what you’re describing goes beyond what is expected and what is safe for your students, their families, and you.

Research has shown that adolescents who watch professional wrestling are significantly more likely to be involved in fights and dating violence, to carry, threaten, or hurt others with weapons, and to engage in risky behaviors from substance abuse to sex. One study found that even well-behaved elementary school students became more violent, even imitating unique moves after watching wrestling on TV. Another found that children learn that cheating and verbal intimidation are acceptable and effective problem-solving techniques from watching pro wrestling.

Although no research has been done on the effects that televised wrestling has on preschoolers (perhaps because no one imagines that they are watching), we do know how young children respond to violent media: they integrate it into their understanding of the world. Why? Because they have a limited library of life experience against which to compare it, so everything they see becomes part of that library. In addition, normal brain development does not allow kids to easily distinguish fantasy from reality until the age of 7 or 8. So even if they can agree that it’s only make-believe, they cannot readily distinguish fake violence from real violence the way adults can.

Part of the problem with integrating wrestling shows into a preschooler’s library of life experience is that they portray violence as entertaining and risk-free. They create the illusion that no one gets hurt and everyone has fun, which makes violence seem like normal and even attractive behavior. For children with development delays, this exposure is particularly challenging because it’s already difficult for them to consider long- or short-term effects of behaviors like kicking the teacher.

As an educator of kids with these particular challenges, you probably know and do this already, but start with a discussion with the parents, asking open-ended questions like “How do you think he is doing?” Approach them with compassion—they are likely experiencing their child acting aggressively as well. Approached without accusation or judgment, they may welcome ideas for how to change his behavior. Most parents who allow their children to use violent media do so because they do not know better. Use your position as an educator to empower these parents by giving them information they need but likely do not have.

You may also be interested in the film Wrestling With Manhood by the Media Education Foundation, either for your own education or for the parents'. Here is a preview:

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

Are nature shows with graphic animal death scenes OK for my child?

Q: What are your thoughts on animal programs that show graphic killing that is in the wild, like Big Cat Diaries? My 4 year old loves animal shows and is interested in seeing this one, yet I am not sure this is appropriate content for his age. Please advise.
-Nightmares in Nature, in Miami, FL

A: Dear Nightmares in Nature,

In many ways, your son’s attraction to animal programs that show graphic killing may come from a combination of his interest in animals and his age-appropriate curiosity about death. For 4 year olds, death is difficult to understand as a concept (and difficult to manage once he understands it) but he will encounter it in one way or another. He is responding appropriately for his developmental stage by seeking to confront and master it by watching a show like this.

That said, you are right to wonder whether he is ready to should be watching graphic killing, even if it's in nature. A wealth of scientific evidence has shown that exposure to violence in media, especially for children under the age of seven (when they have difficulty distinguishing between what's real and what isn't) can create fear and anxiety. Researchers have found that college students often remember quite vividly their early exposures to movie or TV violence and that recalling those experiences brought back the same powerful fear response. Many responded powerfully, changing their lifestyles in sometimes irrational ways, such as avoiding swimming (even in swimming pools!) for years after seeing Jaws.

The science suggests that your son may not be ready for these nature shows until he is eight or so. However, you know him best. If you choose to let him watch these shows before then, watch along with him, pay attention to his response, and talk it through with him.  And remember, too, that it is not just the killing itself but also the potential of losing someone he cares about—even if it’s a cute gazelle in Africa—that he is trying to understand and master.

Ultimately, the graphic killing on these shows is used for adding dramatic value to the program. Perhaps the best thing you can do for your son is to channel his interest in animals into getting him outdoors, experiencing nature in real life—watching birds, catching bugs and worms, growing a plant from a seed. These experiences will not only help him stay physically fit and learn about nature, but direct contact with the earth will soothe him and teach him to observe, problem solve, and reflect. It is the children who learn to love the mysteries of the Earth who will grow up to preserve our fragile planet.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

My kids are asking for toy weapons; what should I do?

Q: Despite their very limited access to television (and no access to video games), my 4-year-old son has just started asking for a toy gun and sword. I think he’s picking up these ideas from boys at school who run around the playground and play “shooter.” Now my 2-year-old daughter is joining in and making a gun with her hand and saying, “Mommy, I kill you.” Any thoughts or suggestions on how to best handle this situation?
-Weapons for Wee Ones? in Miami, FL

A: Dear Weapons for Wee Ones,

Aggressive behavior and fantasy play is natural for 2 and 4 year olds, especially for boys. What you can do as a parent is to teach your kids how to channel these violent acts into a thoughtful response to violent behavior. 

For example, when your 2-year-old makes her hand into a gun, take this opportunity to find out what she’s thinking instead of simply telling her not to play in that way. You can say something like, “Oh, is that a gun? What does a gun do? Does it hurt people or help people? Okay…do you really want to hurt me?” This will help her learn to think through her actions, what they mean, and what effects they can have.

It sounds like you’re hesitant to provide your children with toy weapons, and I agree with that instinct. Why? Because there’s something very different going on when a child plays with a plastic replica of a 9 mm pistol than when he pretends that his hand or a stick is a gun. A hand can be used for many things, but a plastic gun can only be used to play at killing other people. In addition, studies confirm that when children are given toy guns, they play more aggressively than when they are given non-aggressive toys like airplanes.

To address you son’s requests, explain that you are happy to provide other things for him to play with but not toys that look like weapons; the positive message you are sending is that you don’t consider that kind of play appropriate or acceptable.  You can also engage with him in his fantasy play and help him get in touch with other aspects of the characters he wants to be. Pirates, princes, cowboys, and cops all have other important duties to attend to aside from sword- and gun-fighting!

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

My friend's son is up at 4am playing videogames; should I step in?

Q: My friend allows TVs and computers in her young children’s bedrooms, and she does not limit or monitor her kids’ media use at all. I never comment on her choices, which are different than mine, but I recently heard that her 4-year-old gets up in the middle of the night (2 or 3 a.m.!), goes into the family room, and plays video games. My friend jokes about it and thinks it’s funny. I’m worried that he’s possibly addicted to video games and, of course, about his sleep deprivation. Do you have any suggestions about addressing something like this with her? Or is it just a parenting choice that I should mind my own business about? I hate to come across as the snooty, media-conscious mom, but I really am worried.
-Concerned Parent in Boston, MA
 
A: Dear Concerned Parent,

The issue of what is our business and not our business when it comes to other people’s kids is really tough, and not one for which I have an easy answer. Whether or how you comment on her parenting depends most on the nature of your relationship with her. Although “it takes a village to raise a child,” some parents welcome and openly share parenting strategies, while others get angry or embarrassed when others comment on their parenting styles. 

One tactful way to bring up your concern would be to share some solid scientific evidence, rather than criticism, and let the child’s mother come to her own conclusion. For example, the next time she mentions her 4-year-old’s game playing habits, crankiness, or sleepiness, you could express concern by saying something like, “You know, I just saw an article about how researchers found that kids aren’t getting enough sleep to grow and learn well these days, and that TV & video games might be one of the big reasons why.” If you plant the idea of media and sleep being related to each other without openly criticizing her parenting, she might think further about when or how often her child plays these games. 

It is okay to respond honestly when you hear stories of the child being found awake at 4:00 a.m. If it upsets you, show that it upsets you—don’t laugh along. Express everything in terms of your concern for the child rather than from a standpoint of being a better parent. In other words, “Getting a good night’s sleep is so important for little kids, that makes me worried” rather than “I would never let my own child do this.”

Whether it’s by providing her with information and strategies to make better parenting decisions or by showing your true reaction to what you are hearing, hopefully your friend will get the message that this is not something to laugh about. But even if she doesn’t, at least you will know that you’ve done your best to look out for a child in your village. 

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician