Ask the Mediatrician

My daughter is upset by Justin Bieber’s behavior, how can I help her cope?

Q: My 12-year-old daughter is devastated by what has been happening with Justin Bieber. She has been a fan of the pop star “forever” and she and her friends fervently follow his career and personal life. I originally supported my daughter’s obsession (allowing her to buy his music, hang posters in her bedroom, attend a concert, etc.), because I thought he was a good role model. But now I am at a loss. My daughter cried over his break up with Selena and was confused, disbelieving and hurt by his recent assault and battery charges, seemingly poor choice of friends, and insensitive statements about Anne Frank.  I’m afraid Bieber is going to become the next Brittany Spears and that his breakdown may adversely affect my daughter—any help you can offer will be appreciated!

~ Bemoaning Bieber, Boston, MA

A: Dear Bemoaning,

We have to remember that the word fan was derived from fanatic. Many tweens fall hard for celebrities because these fantasy relationships are rehearsals for romantic and friend relationships that they aspire toward having in real life. For your daughter, Justin Bieber may have become kind of a surrogate boyfriend— idealized as “perfect in every way,” talented, romantic, kind, and completely focused on her.

Bieber’s recent behavior challenges your daughter’s fantasy, because it is clear that he is not perfect. And although that may seem silly to adults, the disappointment is very real for her. But this disappointment, like the infatuation, can be an experience that teaches her about human relationships – to realize that no one is perfect and to recognize both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ qualities in potential partners.

There are several ways you can help your daughter cope and grow from this experience:

1) Acknowledge her feelings, and let her know that it’s okay to feel them. Her ideal of Justin Beiber was really important to her--her loss of it is real, and her sadness is valid.

2) Talk with her about differences between how media portray a person and who that person really is. Ask her to think of times when she’s seen a picture or heard a story about someone she knows that she thinks doesn’t match what she knows of them. Then explore with her the images, videos, and stories of Bieber not as accurate representations of a 19-year-old boy, but as products manufactured by producers and publicists to be sold to her and to people like her.

3) Talk about the price of celebrity. Justin Bieber is still a teenager, but as a public figure and the center of a multi-million dollar enterprise, he is under an enormous amount of scrutiny and pressure. Rather than condemning his poor behavior and bad break-up, talk about these incidents with your daughter in light of the amount of responsibility he has. Everybody makes mistakes; instead of focusing on his wrongdoings, talk about how he can recover from them.

4) Help her think about how this lesson can be applied to other real-world experiences. Tweens and teens often spend hours honing their profiles, pictures, and messages to present themselves in the most attractive ways possible. Your daughter’s ability to see through the “positioning”, photoshopping, and editing of Bieber can help her look beyond the carefully created photos and profiles of her peers, making it possible to get to know who they really are.

Above all, you can help this situation be a positive learning experience for your daughter. Leave her space to grieve her idea of who he is (acknowledging that she never did and still doesn’t really know), and help her gain a more nuanced and realistic understanding of how real human beings behave and what healthy, human relationships are like.

For additional insight see:

• Why do adolescent girls idolize male celebrities?
• The role of media figures in adolescent development
• Attribution style, self-esteem, and celebrity worship

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

How can I monitor my 12-year-old daughter's use of Instagram?

Q: I am trying to monitor my 12-year-old daughter’s use of Instagram and am wondering if there is a way to find any ‘secret storage’ spaces on her smartphone. I am not too concerned right now, but in the future I would like to know how to access it. Instagram is the only social media platform I allow her to use at this point, but I am concerned that it is just as bad as Facebook. I am considering banning her from using it based on what I have seen other kids post.
-Iffy about Instagram, Rockport, MA

A: First, it is important for parents to be aware that social media are restricted by law to children 13 and older, because these sites target their users for marketing—and kids haven't fully developed the cognitive ability to understand that the personalized messages they receive are selling them a product or idea. Most importantly, however, on Instagram your daughter is sending and receiving images over the World Wide Web, where they travel quickly, spread broadly, and are "sticky"--they will exist essentially forever on hard drives somewhere in the world.

There are a number of apps available that allow users like your daughter to hide images and messages, and these apps are constantly changing. So instead of focusing your efforts on finding your daughter’s secret Instagram stash, adjust your focus. Share and teach media use with your daughter, just as you will sit in the front seat of the car when she learns to drive. The privacy and secrecy with which young people use media is not an inherent right; it has evolved because many parents have defaulted their parenting role in the digital domain. Help your daughter make decisions about photo sharing—and all social media activities—in ways that are effective, safe, and respect themselves and others. To do that, establish an ‘open-screen policy’ that includes you in her social media exchanges:

• Cyber space is not private space. sure your daughter understands that her on-line life is not separate from her ‘real’ life, and that you are her parent both on- and off-line. Children need guidance when using internet because they don’t yet fully understand or value privacy the way they will when they mature, they don't know how to protect their reputations, and they can't foresee the future repercussions that may occur.
• Educate yourself. Be sure that you know how to use the applications, sites, and accounts you allow your daughter to use. Familiarizing yourself with on-line content prior to giving your daughter permission to engage with it will ensure that it is developmentally optimal, and will give you a better understanding of her internet and social media activities.
• Be a co-member on all media accounts. Unless you are completely comfortable allowing your daughter to go to an unchaperoned party, sign up for on-line activities with her, using a username and password you both can access. This way she knows that you will have the ability to check in on her activity at random intervals, and that you are maintaining an open dialogue about her on-line activity, available to mentor and support her should an issue arise.

A large part of parenting in the digital domain is taking your everyday parenting know-how and applying it to the digital environment in which your children are growing up. You are more prepared and qualified than you think--human development has not changed, the environment has. You can learn it from and with your daughter, turning a source of worry into an opportunity for bonding.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

Do pop-up ads affect young children?

My almost 3-year-old son loves to watch Caillou on Sprout, a TV channel that carries programming for infants and young children. Throughout Caillou, there are many pop-ups that soundlessly advertise Sprout or the next show that will air. These pop-ups distract me as an adult. Have there have been any studies on how they affect young brains?

Perturbed by pop-ups in Quincy, MA

Dear Perturbed,

Because pop-up ads are relatively new, there’s not a lot of research on how they affect children. But there is research on how splitting attention affects kids. And that’s what happens when an animated ad pops up in the corner of your TV screen—two unrelated visual stories compete for your child’s attention.

Research shows that young children are distracted from playing with their toys when TV is on in the background—something similar may occur with pop-up ads. In fact, these ads are designed to capture viewers’ attention, so they may direct young brains away from the program they were engaged with.

For example, while your son is watching Caillou and learning about sharing, he may be distracted from the plot (and the lesson) by a pop-up of Clifford running, or Curious George swinging in a tree. Because these images aren’t part of the Caillou story, they distract your son and interrupt his understanding of the narrative. And remember that while it’s relatively easy for adult brains to switch between tasks, young brains haven’t yet developed the executive functioning skills necessary to make sense of competing information.

As a consumer and parent, you can write a letter to Sprout and let them know about your concerns. Sprout’s website says that “advertisements will never interrupt a program,” and if you feel that pop-ups do interrupt it, let them know. Not many people write to the producers of any media, whether so one or two letters can really make a difference.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

How do you explain advertising to a 5-year-old?

Q: My 5-year-old son’s summer camp is studying the Olympics, a topic he is very interested in.  We’ve been seeing many billboards and TV commercials with athletes promoting Coca Cola. The first time he saw one, he literally said, “Oh, if I drink Coca Cola, then I can be a great boxer too.”  Of course I was disturbed by his reaction and started to talk with him about advertisements. We’d love some advice—how do you explain advertisements to young kids?

- Annoyed by Advertisements in the USA

A:Your question reflects the fact that the Olympics have become increasingly commercialized, not only because they are capturing an estimated 4 billion viewers (more than half the world’s population), but also because the Olympians themselves often have few resources with which to prepare and get to the games. Subsequently, many athletes accept endorsements from companies that require they integrate recognizable brands in their gear or perform in commercials (like the boxer drinking an iconic American soft drink that we won’t name here).

What you are facing is a critical problem with any advertising that reaches children – those who are under 8 years old haven’t yet developed the cognitive capability to understand persuasive intent - that is, they don’t understand that the purpose of advertisements and brand integration is to persuade viewers to buy that product. While adults recognize how incongruous it is to show a highly trained athlete guzzling a sugar- and caffeine-loaded beverage, your son does not, and instead draws an immediate association between the athlete and the soda.  

So what do you say to your 5-year-old? Talk to him directly about ads he sees - ask him why they caught his attention; was it the colors, music, famous person or funny cartoon? Then ask him how the ad makes him feel; does it make him feel happy, excited or like he wants something he saw? Next, figure out together what the ad is selling and whether your son would want the product and why or why not. Breaking down advertisements together will help your son develop critical thinking skills – which will help him deal with not only commercials, but any information he receives. 

Finally, remember that this solution is imperfect as children at this age and even slightly older will still be attracted to advertised products, even when they are educated about persuasive intent.  Thus, make sure that your end goal is to have your son begin to assess, on a case-by case basis, who is creating that message and how they want that message to change our behavior. Reaching for this goal will help him acquire early media literacy skills that he can build on throughout his life.  

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

How can parents make the internet a safe place to play?

Q: With kids of all ages using the internet for everything from socializing to finding information to playing games, how can we keep them as safe as they can be in that world?

-Net Nervous

A: Dear Net Nervous,

You're right--just like the school playground, the internet is a place where children play, learn, and connect with others. But unlike slides and tire swings, the online world changes with each passing day. How can busy parents keep their children safe?

Fortunately, you don’t need to know all the ins and outs of the internet in order to parent well there. You can simply bring your offline parenting techniques to the online world, and we have a new Internet Safety Toolkit that can help you do that. Based on research and full of practical tips, these four tools offer age-specific guidance to help you parent in an ever-changing online world:

• Tool #1: The Basics
• Tool #2: For Content They See
• Tool #3: For Content They Make
• Tool #4: For How They Interact

You can also find these tools here. 

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

What could possibly make my two year old so scared of an eyeglass commercial?

Q: When a certain commercial for eyeglasses comes on TV, my two year old practically jumps in my arms and holds on for dear life! In it, one pair of eyeglasses makes a karate noise and splits into two pairs. I’m pretty sure it’s the karate sound that scares her, since her brother wears glasses and she’s not afraid of those. She gets so scared I don’t even watch channels that show that commercial. What should I do?
-Confused mom, Fresno, CA

A: Dear Confused,

You’re already doing the right thing—you see that she is terrified of this commercial, so you’re avoiding it.

To understand what’s going on, think about this from the perspective of a two year old: She probably has no idea what that loud, scary sound means to adults. To her, it’s an unfamiliar noise that makes one thing split into two things—and for a young child, changes like that can be very, very frightening.

Use this as an opportunity to limit the TV she sees that isn’t designed for young children. This commercial is aimed at adults (since they’re the ones buying glasses) and will air with TV shows that are also for adults. These shows are likely confusing, distracting, and anxiety provoking for her anyway, so I recommend waiting to watch adult TV until she’s asleep or out of the house.

For ideas on how to occupy your child while you’re getting things done—like cooking dinner or doing laundry—take a look at this post: How do I stop myself from parenting with television?

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

When should I talk to my girls about media and body image?

Q: At what age should I teach my daughters about the ways media idealize thinness and display a narrow view of beauty? I want to reach my girls before their opinions are shaped by media influences, but I don’t want to alarm them about something that doesn’t seem to bother them yet. They’re in 4th and 5th grades now, and I feel like, even if I choose my words carefully, talking to them about a healthy body image could inadvertently inspire worries about dieting and other unhealthy eating habits. Is the Evolution video on your website appropriate for this age group? How and when should I be having this talk?

—Body image-conscious mom in Glencoe, IL

A: Dear Body image-conscious mom,

You have good reason to be concerned about how media images of beauty affect your daughters and all of us. Studies show, for example, that the increase in dieting by girls as young as 6 or 7 may be related to influences from media to which they have been exposed. Even though you aren’t facing this issue with your daughters, helping them build a healthy body image in the face of media messages can be a constant challenge.

To help tweens navigate their media environment, you can help them focus their attention on things you do want them to notice and value:

1. Focus on who women are and what they do, not on how they look. Research shows that, by directing even critical attention to media images of beauty and weight with your girls, you could accidentally send the message that looks are most important. Instead, focus on who a person or character is and what she does—like whether she’s a good team player or a loyal friend or a talented artist. Introduce them to media that aims to do the same (like New Moon Girls for tweens and Teen Voices for teens).
2. Take cues from your daughters. When they do start commenting on an actor’s appearance, redirect their focus to who the characters are. If they comment on how pretty someone is, you can say something like, “But what do you like about her?” And when they start to focus more on images of women in media, or if they indicate that they want to look more like a certain actor or model, take a look at some resources that can help guide how you use the Evolution video with your girls.
3. Be conscious of how you talk about yourself. Again, focus on who you are and what you do, rather than on how you look. Then, when and if you do comment on your own appearance, keep it positive: say things like, “I love how I feel after a hike” rather than “I wish I could lose a few pounds.” Wherever you focus your attention is where they will learn to focus theirs.

Your daughters are already exposed to and affected by unrealistic and unhealthy images in media. You can help increase and emphasize the positive messages they see, limit the negative ones, and be a voice that gives them a healthier, more positive way of seeing themselves and the world.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

Will new, graphic tobacco health warnings affect kids?

CMCH staff contributed the following post to Thriving, Children's Hospital Boston's pediatric health blog, in response to questions about how the FDA's newly released requirements for cigarette packaging might affect kids.

Q: Will new, graphic tobacco health warnings affect kids?

A: Last week, the FDA released new requirements for labels on cigarette packaging, which will take effect next September. The nine new health warning labels portray the health effects of smoking through text and full-color graphics, like one that compares a healthy set of lungs with a diseased set of lungs and reads, “Cigarettes cause fatal lung disease.” According to the FDA, these labels are intended to “increase awareness of the specific health risks associated with smoking”, “encourage smokers to quit”, and “empower youth to say no to tobacco.”

These warnings could have positive results. By placing graphic health warnings so prominently in cigarette advertisements (they must take up 20% of the ad) and packaging (they must take up 50% of the front and back), the changes will reduce kids’ exposure to actual cigarette advertising, which influences their decision to use tobacco.

The images were selected based on research into that would be most effective for youth, young adults, and adults. This research focused on how well the images conveyed the intended message and on whether they encouraged viewers to stop smoking. The hope is that they will do both of those things. But will these grisly pictures affect kids in the way they are intended to?

It’s hard to say for sure because fear can be a double-edged sword. Continue reading here.

Do models in ads affect how girls feel about their own bodies?

Q: My 10 year old daughter loves reading teen magazines, but she’s at an age when she and her friends are starting to talk about weight and appearance a lot, and I don’t want her to think she has to look like just the tiny models in the ads to be valued.  How can I talk to her about this?
-Beauty of the Beholder

A: Dear Beauty,

The goal of all media is to tell a story and affect the way the user thinks about an issue, whether it's a website that presents information on a social issue, a documentary that details the lives of apes, or an advertisement for a beauty product.  Advertising is an extremely powerful form of media because that story needs to be compressed into anywhere between the 2 seconds it takes to flip a magazine page to the 30 second spots that companies buy during TV shows. 

To get all of this work done in so little time, the images in ads need to pack quite a punch. They portray extreme versions of thinness, wealth, speed, strength, and other qualities that even the models themselves can rarely achieve without photo editing and camera tricks.

As you mention, children and teens can learn unhealthy expectations from these ads, since they are still developing their understanding of who they are and how to go about becoming who they want to be. In fact, research shows that both young men and young women who read teen magazines have higher rates of distorted body image, dieting behaviors, and dissatisfaction with their appearance. 

So what can you do to help support healthy, positive body image in the face of messages that are likely to make kids feel inferior? Talk about what you see! When you’re exposed to advertising that sells not just a product, but an image of how people should look, open up a conversation about it. Find out what your kids think and how the ads make them feel, and reinforce that ads are designed to get people to purchase a product, not to portray how the world really works. If all else fails, showing them this commercial that pokes fun at advertising techniques will at least get them thinking as they laugh!

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

How should I get my kids set up with their first email account?

Q: My kids are "tweens" and want to get their own email accounts. What is the best email program for children of this age?
-Entering the Email World, in Memphis, TN

A: Dear Entering the Email World,

For tweens, you might want to consider whether the email program you choose for them is free or subscription-based. Although it is certainly tempting to use a program that doesn’t cost money, know that what you don’t pay in dollars you do pay in advertising exposure. And not all kids know that they are even being advertised to. One study showed that children learn to recognize online advertisements as they get older, with 6 year olds recognizing ads 25% of the time and 10-12 year olds recognizing ads 75% of the time.  

Another thing to think about in regards to advertising is that unlike TV commercials, ads embedded in email programs are personalized for each user. The email program scans the text of each email and then matches up ads to the content of that email. The data is not shared directly with advertisers, but because the ads are more relevant to the user, they are more likely to be clicked on. For example, if your child writes to a friend about the new video game that she got, she may see ads for other video games or for merchandise related to the specific game she mentioned. 

In addition to considering the specific structure of a given email program, sit down with her and have an open conversation about why and how she’d like to use email, as you would when introducing any new technology (see example of cell phone conversation starter). Maybe her teachers distribute and accept homework through email, or maybe she wants to be able to keep in touch with family members (most kids use text messages rather than email to communicate with friends—for them, email is the way they communicate with adults, like parents and teachers).

Hear her out; then ask her what responsibilities she thinks should come with getting an email account. Use that as a jumping off point for a conversation about responsible Internet use and safety. Make sure your tween knows that the Internet is a public space where she should not share personal information, should communicate only with people she knows, and should say only things she would say to anyone’s face.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®