Ask the Mediatrician

When should I talk to my girls about media and body image?

Q: At what age should I teach my daughters about the ways media idealize thinness and display a narrow view of beauty? I want to reach my girls before their opinions are shaped by media influences, but I don’t want to alarm them about something that doesn’t seem to bother them yet. They’re in 4th and 5th grades now, and I feel like, even if I choose my words carefully, talking to them about a healthy body image could inadvertently inspire worries about dieting and other unhealthy eating habits. Is the Evolution video on your website appropriate for this age group? How and when should I be having this talk?

—Body image-conscious mom in Glencoe, IL

A: Dear Body image-conscious mom,

You have good reason to be concerned about how media images of beauty affect your daughters and all of us. Studies show, for example, that the increase in dieting by girls as young as 6 or 7 may be related to influences from media to which they have been exposed. Even though you aren’t facing this issue with your daughters, helping them build a healthy body image in the face of media messages can be a constant challenge.

To help tweens navigate their media environment, you can help them focus their attention on things you do want them to notice and value:

1. Focus on who women are and what they do, not on how they look. Research shows that, by directing even critical attention to media images of beauty and weight with your girls, you could accidentally send the message that looks are most important. Instead, focus on who a person or character is and what she does—like whether she’s a good team player or a loyal friend or a talented artist. Introduce them to media that aims to do the same (like New Moon Girls for tweens and Teen Voices for teens).
2. Take cues from your daughters. When they do start commenting on an actor’s appearance, redirect their focus to who the characters are. If they comment on how pretty someone is, you can say something like, “But what do you like about her?” And when they start to focus more on images of women in media, or if they indicate that they want to look more like a certain actor or model, take a look at some resources that can help guide how you use the Evolution video with your girls.
3. Be conscious of how you talk about yourself. Again, focus on who you are and what you do, rather than on how you look. Then, when and if you do comment on your own appearance, keep it positive: say things like, “I love how I feel after a hike” rather than “I wish I could lose a few pounds.” Wherever you focus your attention is where they will learn to focus theirs.

Your daughters are already exposed to and affected by unrealistic and unhealthy images in media. You can help increase and emphasize the positive messages they see, limit the negative ones, and be a voice that gives them a healthier, more positive way of seeing themselves and the world.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

The Good News about Children and Media in 2010

Q: It seems like all we ever hear about are the negative effects of media. What research has been done on using media in positive ways?
- Feeling Bleak in Boston, MA

A: Dear Bleak,

We’re so glad you asked! Indeed, studies in the past year indicate just how positive media can be for children and families when it is used in a controlled way, paying particular attention to its content and the context in which it is used. 

Here are some 2010 good-news highlights and the scientific studies they are based on:

1) Technology is aiding schools, providing educators with more interactive tools for teaching and giving students more opportunities to engage with classroom learning at home and beyond.

2) Children’s TV programming can have profound positive effects on child literacy, identity, and overall well-being, here and abroad.

3) While violent video games have been shown to incite viewers’ aggression, prosocial video games can have positive effects on children’s social behaviors. 

4) Active video games can increase physical activity in children—though these shouldn’t exceed time spent playing sports, playing actively outdoors, etc.

5) Community-based initiatives can have significant positive effects on educating kids about the importance of physical activity and how it contributes to fighting childhood obesity.

6) Media literacy programs for kids can work to educate them about making healthy lifelong decisions—about media and so much more.

Learn more about the studies behind these findings in the CMCH blog.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

How should I explain to my child that her favorite pop star is having emotional issues?

Q: My 6-year-old adores singer/actress Demi Lovato: She watches her Disney Channel show, "Sonny with a Chance" (with supervision), listens to her albums, and went to see Demi as her first concert this summer. But now the media are reporting that Demi just checked into rehab for "physical and emotional issues” that may involve an eating disorder and cutting issues. My daughter shares a playground and bus ride with older kids who are bound to be talking about this. There's almost no way we can keep her away from the story, so how do I even begin explaining concepts like rehab, eating disorders and cutting to a 6-year-old?
Star-Struck-Down Dad in Boston, MA

A: Dear Dad,

The most important conversation you can have with your daughter about this issue is one that separates this pop star’s image from who she really is as a young girl. That may require a discussion of how everything we see on TV or hear in music is created: It’s not reality, in the way that you and your child live your everyday lives. Brain development research shows us that children under the age of 7 or 8 have a hard time distinguishing television fantasy from reality, so help your daughter understand that there is a real girl behind the character Demi plays on TV and in concert, and that that girl is under considerable pressure to make lots of people around her happy.

You may want to explain that people treat celebrities differently than they would if they weren’t famous, and that even though the attention feels good at first, it can be very isolating. Imagine not being able to walk down the street or even go to the beach without being swarmed by people you don’t know! Even with lots of people paying attention to them, celebrities often feel very alone and very sad, because that attention is to their image rather than who they really are. And in trying to manage painful feelings, people sometimes do unhealthy things to manage that pain.

You know your daughter best, so you can judge how many details she can handle about how Demi has hurt herself, whether it be cutting or substance use. But research has shown that some girls are already talking about their weight and dieting at age 5. So out of this tragic situation for a beloved idol may come a great teachable moment for your daughter: This is an opportunity to find out whether “fat talk” is already happening among the girls on the playground and the bus. You can explain that to your child that her body should be fed and exercised to be healthy, but that “fat talk” comes out of wanting to be what other people expect rather than who you are—that dieting is not always about being healthy, but about trying to manipulate our bodies to satisfy other people. This is exactly what got Demi into trouble, and what she would never want to happen to her fans.

As your child gets older, you’ll likely have to have similar conversations when other role models make public mistakes. (Read our advice on the topic here.) Keep in mind that research reveals a correlation between teenagers who strongly idolize celebrities and negative self-esteem, though mild celebrity interest doesn’t seem to have the same effects. Remember, the entertainment and advertising industries create and amplify celebrity worship to sell that fictional persona for big profits. In turning human beings into products, media create illusions about stars that are difficult for them to maintain.  Ironically, as stars grow more powerful, they feel less in control. As they grow more loved, they feel more alone. And as the human being behind their character suffers, they can act in unhealthy and unsafe ways in their desperate attempts to regain control of their lives and make themselves feel better.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

Is my daughter's Halloween costume too sexy?

Q: My pre-teen daughter is dying to go as a sexy vampire for Halloween (she's a big Twilight fan) but I just don't feel comfortable with her running around the neighborhood in a short skirt, tight top, and lots of makeup, costume or not. What can I say to her without making this such a big deal?
-Bella’s Nemesis in Belchertown, MA

A: Dear Nemesis,

Halloween is a day to have fun being someone different—but that certainly has consequences, so it should also come with limits. There’s a reason that every October, little boys want to be Superman or star troopers: It shows their aspirations for being mature and powerful. When teens (or adults for that matter) choose costumes that emphasize their sexuality, they are publicizing their desire to be noticed for their bodies. 

So it doesn’t necessarily matter how she dresses or who she presents herself as during the rest of the year: Going out in this costume tells the world something about her.

It’s likely you’ll get “But it’s just a book, Mom. She’s just a character.” You can respond by talking with her seriously: What is it about this costume that she likes? Does she realize how people will respond to her in it, and if so, is that what she’s looking for?  Be frank: Is she ready to be sexually objectified? Will she be uncomfortable in this costume in front of her peers, older teens, or even people her dad’s age?

Frame your conversation around the ideas of self-awareness and self-respect, and focus on how your daughter wants to be viewed as a whole person. Who knows, maybe there are creative ways you can modify the costume that would allow her to express her love for Twilight but in a less objectifying way. Hopefully, she’ll see the long-term effects of this decision in the larger scheme of choices she needs to make about how she is seen by others—and see you as someone helping her become the person she wants to be.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

Do models in ads affect how girls feel about their own bodies?

Q: My 10 year old daughter loves reading teen magazines, but she’s at an age when she and her friends are starting to talk about weight and appearance a lot, and I don’t want her to think she has to look like just the tiny models in the ads to be valued.  How can I talk to her about this?
-Beauty of the Beholder

A: Dear Beauty,

The goal of all media is to tell a story and affect the way the user thinks about an issue, whether it's a website that presents information on a social issue, a documentary that details the lives of apes, or an advertisement for a beauty product.  Advertising is an extremely powerful form of media because that story needs to be compressed into anywhere between the 2 seconds it takes to flip a magazine page to the 30 second spots that companies buy during TV shows. 

To get all of this work done in so little time, the images in ads need to pack quite a punch. They portray extreme versions of thinness, wealth, speed, strength, and other qualities that even the models themselves can rarely achieve without photo editing and camera tricks.

As you mention, children and teens can learn unhealthy expectations from these ads, since they are still developing their understanding of who they are and how to go about becoming who they want to be. In fact, research shows that both young men and young women who read teen magazines have higher rates of distorted body image, dieting behaviors, and dissatisfaction with their appearance. 

So what can you do to help support healthy, positive body image in the face of messages that are likely to make kids feel inferior? Talk about what you see! When you’re exposed to advertising that sells not just a product, but an image of how people should look, open up a conversation about it. Find out what your kids think and how the ads make them feel, and reinforce that ads are designed to get people to purchase a product, not to portray how the world really works. If all else fails, showing them this commercial that pokes fun at advertising techniques will at least get them thinking as they laugh!

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician®

Racy magazine covers seem to be everywhere -- how can we object?

Q: As I shop in “family-friendly” stores, I am shocked to see the cover photos of popular magazines bordering on soft-porn. I am not surprised at the publishers, but I am surprised at how unaware stores are of this offensive content. No wonder our children think everything in our country is about sex and materialism -- this is how they see the world portrayed in much of our media. I think what disturbs me most is the acquiescence to it by those of us who don’t approve. Parents and a few still-modest women are concerned, but how do we object without sounding like we are overreacting?
-Miffed by Magazines in Seattle, WA

A: Dear Miffed by Magazines,

As social standards change over time, magazines and other media will always be “pushing the envelope” in order to grab and maintain the public’s attention. As a result, there are more sexual images, just as there are more violent images, in mainstream media than there have been in the past. What one person finds offensive may not bother another person. Those who are concerned often give in, possibly because they feel helpless to protest. Media are everywhere, most parents feel overwhelmed, and they do not feel that they have anything to say other than that they are offended, which makes them feel embarrassed for being prudish. But you can respond to these images rather than being offended, and do so in ways that are effective if you have facts, rather than opinions.

Research shows that kids don’t necessarily imitate what they see in sexualized media, but they do pay attention, because they are learning about the world and the way they should behave in it. What they see teaches them about what is normal and what is attractive, so it guides the way they present themselves. Sexualized images also may build insecurity, which can motivate us to buy cosmetics, clothes, even cars, to feel better about ourselves. While making sales is the goal of advertising and the publications in which they are published, this insecurity can have unfortunate outcomes. Among adolescents, who are at their most self-conscious and insecure developmental stage of their lives, this can lead to real health problems, including anxiety and depression, eating disorders, body-building supplements, and substance abuse.

Magazine publishers and media producers do not seek to offend anyone with sexualized images, they want to get your attention. You are their potential customer. They want to know what you think and feel. Communicate with the magazines, advertisers, and consumer products companies and let them know. Don’t underestimate the power of sending a letter to corporate executives, they understand that they need to make you happy if they want you to buy their products. As consumers, we can create change by voting with our voices and our wallets. And don’t forget to give positive feedback, both in your communication and your business, to those companies that provide images, ideas, and products that make you healthier and happier. 
>> Tips on writing a letter
>> Related question: How can I convince networks not to play violent commercials during family programming?

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Do negative portrayals of Black women in movies affect how teens view them?

Q: I was made to feel ugly and repulsive (because I am a Black) when I was in middle school up to high school. I was treated like this by people of all races, including other Blacks. I want to know--do the negative portrayals of Black women in movies affects how teens view Black girls and women?
-Miss Represented, Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

A: Dear Miss Represented,

In short, the answer to your question is yes: Media portrayals of Black women—or any other group of people, for that matter—affect how teens view them, regardless of whether the teens are themselves part of that group. For example, for a Black woman, media affect both how other people see her and how she sees herself.

Research suggests that when we are exposed to images repeatedly and over a long period of time, we internalize these images and measure ourselves and others against them. Therefore, when people are exposed to media that consistently portray people of color as less successful, less beautiful, and less worthwhile than White people, they tend to internalize those ideas.

Fortunately, there are conscious efforts underway by filmmakers to bring more diversity into media images and to portray people of many races and ethnicities in positive, healthful ways.  And while there's no way to undo the humiliation you were made to feel as a teen, you can help the young people in your own life by guiding them toward media choices that represent members of all races in a positive light and by helping them think critically about the media they consume.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Can I blame the "Slut List" on all the sex in the media?

Q: I’ve been hearing about the high school in NJ where older girls are putting freshman girls' names on a “slut list”—and the worst part is that being on the list is considered a good thing! I can’t help thinking that all the sex in the media is to blame for girls thinking it's a badge of honor, but maybe I'm overreacting. I want to talk to my 13 year old daughter about this, but what should I say? 
-Suspicious of Sexy Media in Princeton, NJ

A: Dear Suspicious,

I wouldn't blame the entire situation on media, but I do think you're right that the way American media promotes sex has something to do with this. On TV, in music videos, and in celebrity culture, girls are shown as sexy at younger and younger ages. 

So why do these teens want to be on the slut list? Perhaps because they see this type of behavior the way media portrays it—as empowering and attention-getting. At this age, their brains aren’t yet developed to the point where they think these things through.

As a parent, you can help provide the reflection and perspective that your teen daughter doesn’t yet have. How? By asking her open-ended, non-judgmental questions. Because you can ask her about the story instead of about her personal experience, this is a safer way for her to discuss these issues with you, and if you respond with curiosity and openness rather than horror or disapproval, you are more likely to get somewhere useful in the conversation.

For example, try asking your daughter how she feels about this story, why she thinks girls wanted to be on this list, and why she thinks sexual behavior is a way of determining popularity. Even if she says something like, “Oh mom you’re so old fashioned—everyone’s doing this,” you can teach her to think critically about “the way things are” by questioning it yourself. Keep asking questions you truly don’t have the answers to, like, “But why do they do this? Can you explain it to me?” In this way, you encourage her to reflect on how others see people who are on this list, how those who are on it might feel, whether this is an "honor" that will serve them well into the future, and whether they actually wanted to do whatever they did to get on that list. Additionally, you are teaching her to consider what defines her (is it her clothes? her sexual behavior? something else within herself?)—and that is a lesson that will serve her for the rest of her life.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician

Are Star Wars and Disney Princesses the only options?

Q: I went into a party store to look for decorations for my son’s upcoming birthday party and everywhere I looked, the choices were either Star Wars or Disney princesses. Are we raising our boys to be violent and our girls to have Cinderella expectations of the world?
Pondering Party Supplies in Tulsa, OK

A: Dear Pondering Party Supplies,

That’s a great observation and a great question, I see the same pattern with clothing and toys these days.  The problem is that these media characters portray a very narrow and extreme version of what it means to be an adult man or woman in society. 

As you noticed, a lot of the commercial products designed for boys feature media characters that are aggressive, competitive, and violent.  These images encourage boys to use violence to resolve conflicts and to be in constant competition with other men, rather than learning to peacefully problem-solve and cooperate with others. 

The beauty-focused messages that girls see on their tea sets and Halloween costumes teach them that they are valued not for who they are, but for how they look, and that their goal in life is to be an object of male desire. It starts with princesses in fairy tales and carries all the way up through fashion magazines, advertising, and beauty pageants as they get older. Research has shown that these images can lower self esteem and even lead to eating disorders.

So, what can you do to minimize these effects? For one thing, you can expose your kids to media that portray the kinds of women and men you’d like them to become. Such images can help give them other ideas of who they can become and how they can act. In addition, watching media along with your kids can allow you the opportunity to challenge images you find problematic and highlight those that you consider to be positive. Pay attention to the lessons that these media are teaching, and talk about those lessons with your kids. By addressing them directly, you help your children think critically about what they see and you send the message that what they see is not necessarily the only way things can be.

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
The Mediatrician